Quotes, bitchy quotes

I frequently go to a certain message board where they can post the most hilarious, bitchy quotes ever. There's a whole thread devoted to your favourite quotes. And here's a sample *grin*:

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"people who practice the homosexual lifestyle (that's what it is, because no one is born gay) have not experienced the horrors of slavery, or outright discrimination!"

Experienced the horrors of slavery? Like she is writing this on her powerbook in the middle of a cotton field?

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If your ass wiggles uncontrollably when you brush your teeth, you need to lose some weight.

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I've raised my neuroses since they were bad habits and we get along just fine.

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My grandmother used to say "Autumntime." But she also said stuff like "That makes my butt want to take a drink of water!" when she got mad. Perhaps it's something crazy people say.

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So...should a disaster strike and you're walking around in a daze afterwards - if you see a blonde woman dressed in latex with a freakish gas mask pushed back on her head like sunglasses, slugging vodka in the company of two pissed off cats, please feel free to stop and say hello!

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Will my speedo fit over my Depends?

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Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

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That's how I always feel, like the Baroness in The Sound of Music. While everybody's just singing and climbing an Alp. And I just wanna STUFF THAT GUITAR UP THAT NUN'S ASS!"

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Sarah Jessica Parker - she's a triple classic: cunt, witch, and horse face. She can ride her broom and clean her own stable with it.

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Hell hath no fury like a fag hag scorned.

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I was sitting quietly in my apartment reading this thread when the neighbor started banging on the wall and yelled at me to turn down the "gay."

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Californians are so cute. Like little dogs yip yipping at your feet. No one pays them any mind.

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When I was a kid, I was obsessed with dressing frogs in Barbie's clothes. They didn't like it much, especially the evening dresses.

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You know, there's a difference between being a "racist" and a "dumbshit."

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George Bush is the Ashlee Simpson of politics.

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Gayer than a pink parrot on the patio of Merv Griffin's Palm Springs pleasure palace.

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If you're one of those people who believes that the Christian creation myth is 'fact', please just put a big "Dunce cap" on your head, so we can know to avoid you. Thanks.

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Squeaky Fromme is eligible for parole next year - x your fingers.

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I predict a bloody war within the next 20 years, which will divide the nation and one day inspire a commemorative chess set.

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I just spray Pledge on my socks and stick my legs under the bed...

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It's too bad he's a fundie Republican, he must be deeper in the closet than Kevin Spacey's old sneakers.

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There's a guy at my gym who wears camouflage shorts and a matching camouflage tank top every day. Some day I'd like to bump into him and exclaim, "Oh my God, I didn't even see you!"

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