Being Brave

So, the other day I went to this "Literary Night". It was four authors doing readings from their novels - gay or lesbian themed works. There were 2 gay men, 1 lesbian and 1 straight woman who writes gay stories.

I wasn't overly keen on the last woman because A) I didn't like the writing much and B) I'm just not into reading about men, period. *grin*. But it was well-written stuff.

Then, towards the end, the MC, who happens to be a very good friend of mine, announced that there was an "open mic" portion of the night. First, a little background. My friend is a big promoter, any way she can, of lesbian fiction. She tries to set up events for whatever authors happen to show up in town. However, there's a woman here in town who's the "established literary guru" and she's starting to resent my friend trying to "muscle in on her turf".

The ELG (established literary guru) may, at one time, have been a guru. However right now, she's cruising on reputation, and that's going downhill quickly. She always looks greasy, she's inappropriately dressed, and she has this annoying Elmer Fudd voice - when she speaks, I have a hard time controlling my laughter. She fancies herself an author and is incredibly proud of the fact that she got a poem published in a magazine that NOBODY has ever heard of.

Ok, so, back to the "Literary Night"... my friend announces the "open mic" which, since nobody knew about it, consisted of ELG reading a bad poem and another woman reading 2 poems that were equally as bad. So, basically, it was her own "vanity press" thing. During the break, I was joking with my friend and said "Wouldn't it piss her off if *I* read something." My friend's eyes lit up and said "You wanna?"

Before I could think too much about it, I said yes. I don't know what possessed me, I honestly don't. I'm usually not that brave. I think maybe because I *didn't* have a whole lot of time to think about it. I just said "yes" and knew I was going to have to do it in 15 minutes.

And then I started to panic. A little. I mean, I haven't spoken in public since I read stuff in church and that was, like, 20 years ago. And I was reading something that I wrote. Were they going to like it? Would they laugh in the right spots? I mean, *I* thought parts of it were funny, but would anyone else?

I got introduced, I walked up to the podium... and the nerves kicked in. My voice started to shake, my heart started to pound. I'm pretty sure that you could see my shirt moving where my heart was thumping.

But I DID it. *I* DIT IT!! I read *my* story to a group of strangers. At a gay/lesbian event. Damn, I was proud of myself. Both for reading something and for doing it in front of other members of my "community". It was an amazing feeling.

*grin*